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Awful Riddles

Q. What do astronauts eat?
A. Launch meat.

Q. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Mistle toe, of course.

Q. Why aren't seafood merchants generous?
A. Because their business makes them selfish.

Q. What did the surgeon say to the patient who wouldn't get insurance?
A. All right, suture self.

Q. What do you call a lazy butcher?
A. A meat loafer.

Q. What do call vodka and orange juice with milk of magnesia?
A. A Phillips screwdriver.

Q. How do you know watermelons really have water in them?
A. Because they're planted in the spring.

Q. What do you get when a dog breaks into a henhouse?
A. Pooched eggs.

Q. What do you call a row of rabbits moving backwards?
A. A receding hairline.

Q. Where does a sheep go to get his hair cut?
A. A baa-baa shop.

Q. What do you call a dog that eats cantaloupes?
A. A melancholy.

Q. Why did the crow land on a phone wire?
A. He wanted to make a long distance caw.

Q. What do you call a sterilized cow?
A. Decaffienated.

Q. What worse than raining cats and dogs?
A. Hailing buses.

Q. Why do we say "Amen" in church instead of "Awomen"?
A. Because we sing hymns, not hers.

Q. What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
A. "Someday my prints will come."

Q. What is the world's most common use of cowhide?
A. Holding cows together.

Q. Why can't a cat be tried by a jury of its peers?
A. It would be purr-jury.

Q. Why did the three-legged dog return to Dodge City?
A. To find the man who shot his paw.

Q. What happened to the pelican who stuck his beak in a light socket?
A. He got an electric bill.

Q. What do you do when the bases are loaded?
A. Sober them up, or use baritones.

Q. Why are long distance calls so expensive in Persia?
A. Because their Persian to Persian.

Q. What did the German say when a thief tried to take his toupee?
A. "Mine hair!"

Q. Why is television called a medium?
A. Because it's neither rare nor well done.

Q. What do you call a cow who comes into your yard and eats your\\ grass? A. A lawn mooer.

Q. What did the English teacher call Santa's helpers?
A. Subordinate clauses.

Q. What do you call Jesse James when he has the flu?
A. A sick shooter!

Q. What do you call a sick crocodile?
A. An illigator!

Q. What did the farmer use to treat his sick hog?
A. Oinkment!

Q. What happens if your exorcism doesn't work?
A. You get repossessed!

Q. What kind of gun does a police dog use?
A. A dogmatic!

Q. Where does the Lone Ranger take his trash?
A. To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump...

Categories: Unclassified