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How To Be Annoying

• Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
• Drum on every available surface.
• Remove every line of someone's .newsrc file except the entry for alt.sex.fetish.hamster.duct-tape.
• Staple papers in the middle of the page.
• Ask 800 operators for dates.
• Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
• Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
• Set alarms for random times.
• Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip...
• Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
• Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
• Honk and wave to strangers.
• Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
• Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
• Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
• Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
• ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
• Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
• Pay for your dinner with pennies.
• Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
• Light road flares on a birthday cake.
• Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
• Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
• Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
• Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
• At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
• When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
• Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
• As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
• Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
• Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
• Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
• Drive half a block.
• Name your dog "Dog".
• Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
• Ask people what gender they are.
• Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
• Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.
• Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
• Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
• While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
• Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
• Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
• Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
• Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
• Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
• Ask to "interface" with someone.
• Sing along at the opera.
• Mow your lawn with scissors.
• At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
• Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend".
• Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook... something about "psychological profiles".
• Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
• Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Categories: Unclassified